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tap4:46am wednesday, 26th february
miracles come not by any act of force
but you do have to mean it for it to happen
the cares of my life drift like tiny boats on the water
i have no right to feel the pain anymore
time is a third person future perfect, and no one and never
there is no one to surrender to, tired of fighting
the good fight can wait for a day or two
been too busy with the washing of the dishes
the Wheel it turns and we face the same day again and again
the utter transcendence underlying everything whispers
but the revving of the rush hour engines drowns it out
how can we possibly want more? and yet we do
that desire is the cause of being unsatisfied
we have always known this brute notion
it is too much work to make everything effortless
still, i find i am warm in my bed at night
i have not seen it all, even at my most jaded
maybe just to gently tap everything with a stick
for i know i am blind when i complain
and miracles come not by any act of force

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Titanium4:39am friday, 21st february
I feel like I should be doing something, something important. But I’m not, just kicking back for most of the time I have to myself. Being normal. I had that sort of feeling, too, the whole of the first semester I had gone back to college after a 5 year hiatus. Turns out I got my stuff done, got on dean’s list that semester, and graduated a little after. Back when I was working on my AI (was that so very long ago?), I generally didn’t have that feeling. I ate, slept, breathed AI. And it’s very taxing, trying to change the world, maybe not to go back to exact same thing. Funny how things turn out. But I think I am this, like the song goes: “I’m bulletproof, nothing to lose: fire away, fire away... Ricochet, you take your aim: fire away, fire away... You shoot me down, but I won’t fall: I am titanium.” I am titanium.
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jeanne d’arc 34:34am monday, 17th february
i had a vision of heaven where joan of arc sings the blues
she is lit up in the spotlight of saints
the current of her blood is electric, i can feel it
and she howls as if she were drunk on moonlight
the stage unfolds from where she stands
and joins into the song the very angels
as all in those eternal realms, far and wide, begin to accompany
and heaven’s grand light dims so the spot shows
there is not a dry eye in the house, of sorrow and redemption
as the cherubim lift her high, the only voice
the tune to ripple through the crowds, toward infinity
the stories do not speak of such soul
after midnight among the stars above the stars
out of dreaming's grasp, to the light beyond the light

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Quotes5:35am thursday, 13th february
"There are two ways to slide easily through life: to believe everything or to doubt everything. Both ways save us from thinking." - Alfred Korzybski

"Eighty percent of success is showing up." - Woody Allen

"The remarkable thing about fearing God is that when you fear God you fear nothing else, whereas if you do not fear God you fear everything else." - Oswald Chambers

"A bone to the dog is not charity. Charity is the bone shared with the dog, when you are just as hungry as the dog." - Jack London

"The difference between fact and fiction? Fiction has to make sense." - Tom Clancy

"Life is the biggest bargain. We get it for nothing." - Jewish proverb

"Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself." - Leo Tolstoy

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New Copy for My Book1:13am saturday, 8th february
True story: I found the secrets of the universe.

There have been others before me who believed that Judas Iscariot was innocent of the crucifixion of The Lord Jesus Christ. But they only believe: I was told. I was shown. This book is a tribute to him, to try in the smallest part to amend two thousand years falsely accused of deicide. And this book is a doozy.

What is the meaning of life? I answer that. Why is life so unfair? Got that, too. Why is there pain? Yessiree, in the book. And Descartes thought he was doubting all things when he came up with “I think therefore I am.” But we find out he took one or two things for granted. And the context of all contexts turns out to be a little thing called the War in Heaven. A war in eternity. And everything, just everything, makes perfect sense if you really know what’s been up, up there.

O what I have seen! How amazing is this all, o me, o life! You were meant to be here, right now, right there, reading these words. Make the most of it, make the most of life! Believe, for the beginning is near!

And all of this actually happened… and Walt Disney is God.

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Revisiting...2:22am sunday, 2nd february

This is the apartment building where I once lived, in Drexel Hill, PA:

Click above to get a larger version.

Here was where the events of this occurred (and this, too). I went back there, recently, and not much has changed in that area. Seems like forever ago, though.

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