± H13.com - Archives - January 2009
january 2009

secret wandering2:07am friday, 30th january
i have secretly wandered where i had gone before
to see if there were any trace of my passing there
but all the footprints in the snow had melted
forgotten whether i had broken a certain twig
and i thought that i am like the wind, at times
no one need know to where or i go, or from
and like a shadow, i slip from sight in silence

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Going On12:18am monday, 26th january
The news about me is that I’ve gotten a day job again, apart from the AI project that has so consumed me in the past year and a half. I really needed to take a break from it, I think, for thinking so deeply, to the point of pain, is quite exhausting to sustain. It is my nature, however, to build things, so I am working on some lighter fare in my spare time: I am writing a Facebook application. I came up with the idea after having become addicted to same over the past few months. Originally, I joined to see some photos my friend had posted of his wedding, but now an hour does not go by (if I am in front of a computer — almost always) that I do not pull up the FB homepage and see what’s going on in my virtual circle. And there’s a couple games I’m addicted to, too, there. So anyway, keeping busy. Let us see where all of this leads us.
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secrets2:33am thursday, 22nd january
some of the thunder had been silenced, and they shook no trees
light caught at the source, of which nobody ever saw their color
hold in your heart that secrets like these: everyone will know them

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Trust12:46am sunday, 18th january
To this day I must convince myself that what I am looking at is as it seems, in viewing the things that are real. I spent so much time not trusting myself that I must physically force myself to understand that what I see is what I see, what I hear has a real source, what I feel not merely a vaporous, illusory sensation. I suppose it could be worse, and if I recall correctly (trusting this, now), the reason it remains at all is that it was much much worse in years previous. There was much that I could not discern whether they were really happening or if it were just leakings from the other world. And I also suppose it will get better, because it has gotten better, as these years progress. Mayhap there will be one day when I can truly call myself sane again. Who knows?
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More Quotes2:09am wednesday, 14th january
Never let your sense of morals get in the way of doing what's right.
– Isaac Asimov

If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.
– Dorothy Parker

Anxiety is the dizziness of freedom.
– Sören Kierkegaard

Power corrupts. Absolute power is kind of neat.
– John Lehman

When a thing is funny, search it carefully for a hidden truth.
– George Bernard Shaw

Adventure is just bad planning.
– Roald Amundsen

If you find yourself alone, riding in green fields with the sun on your face, do not be troubled. For you are in Elysium, and you are already dead!

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figures3:04am saturday, 10th january
the numbers do not care
we could be saving lives, we could be killing them all
they only stare back as hollow figurines
blind to what they themselves say
some will strain to find the meaning in you
we dare not ignore you, not when you speak for yourself
nor hide what you show

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Tao12:42am tuesday, 6th january
i searched as far back as my mind would go
to where the river of time flowed from
the Tao, the source without source
wondered i how to comprehend
not even dreams touch here
all sound’s silent origin
forever beginning

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Alternate2:02am friday, 2nd january
Sometimes I get this weird feeling, like I’ve been moved into an alternate reality. It happens when I hear or read something unexpected, which I had thought was written in one way, but turns out to be another. Song lyrics, books, Bible passages — as if they were re-written, the past has changed, and I still have the residual memory of what the original thing was. I must apply reason as thoroughly as possible to shake the feeling, that reality was always like what this “alternate” seems to be, that I must have misread it the first time, and the new clarity is the true form of things. But still, on some level, there is still the suspicion that some kind of trick is being played on me. At least for a while; I think I grasp that the mind is the thing playing the trick, not reality. The conspiracy is never real.
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