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june 2013

So It Goes12:03am thursday, 27th june
So I’m starting to get excited. I got my second couple of test prints of my book, before it’s been edited, and it looks great. The cover came out gnarly, getting compliments from anyone who sees it. I’m reading the whole thing through again and highlighting little places for my own editing of the text. I wonder if I’ll make any money on this. Whatever, that wasn’t the point anyway. I have decided that I’m going to go self publishing on Amazon’s system, because apparently otherwise, it’ll cost an arm and a leg for anyone to buy it from Amazon’s site. The test prints come from Lulu.com, and I wish it were possible to use that instead for the real prints, but oh, well. In other news, trying to buy a bicycle but apparently the one I want is in high demand and only like one person on the whole internet sells it, so I’ll have to wait for it to get back in stock. So it goes.
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love itself4:30am sunday, 23rd june
the unnameable thing that the mystery of love hints at:
this is love itself, too simple to be put in words
at the beginning of beginnings, before time knew us
and here, where i am drowning in the meanings
where the numbers portend some vague reality
here is love unknowable except one completely lets go
into the void to release all angled preconceptions
for i have looked into too many mirrors passing by
that i have lost all imagination of what i could be
and love, it waits for me to find the misty trail
where time means less than a whisper that surely knows

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Saint and Sinner2:41am wednesday, 19th june

I thought this picture would be cooler than just writing out the quote in text:

Surely, as are so many of Oscar Wilde’s quotes, there strikes here a deep truth.

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Cup3:23am saturday, 15th june
There’s one line in Psalm 23 that always seems to apply: “my cup runneth over”. Surely I have been blessed without measure in this life, what I have seen, what I have experienced, all that has gone on. I have felt that that line has applied to me for years. Decades, almost. I guess right now, if I had to complain, it would be for the lack of female companionship, but I know I am not alone in my aloneness. Other than that, I have finished the full text of the book I’ve been writing. Man, so much easier to write than to come up with an artificial intelligence. Which it looks like I’ll probably get back to, I think. Other than that, still worrying a little about finances, though I know I shouldn’t worry about anything, not really. I should take it to heart, derive a conclusion based on all the evidence that I have had: the Lord has my back.
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Riddles12:09am tuesday, 11th june
I am lost in dreaming for a time, thinking only in riddles.

Within me somewhere still is a rebellious heart, though quiet.

There is fire in me, some new, some that was before I was.

If we do not touch, a distance will grow with our neglect.

Finding purpose in life is merely to understand this: love.

Listen to others: you might just find yourself in their words.

I have withstood what I could, and I let the other things pass.

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harbingers2:24am friday, 7th june
weaves of breezes shape the sense of time flowing as invisible fabrics across my skin
we, as harbingers of a better day: inhale the darkness and calculations, exhaling light
with every kick of the psyche, to break any glass ceiling of dreaming, of imagination
shifting through the planes of existence as if the angels gave you momentary wings
hero after hero have conquered the skies, only to long for a home to touch down to
thus the challenge: to love in all might without one need that tomorrow should come
i return to myself, having been scattered by many dreams, by the dream of the world
the wind of the waking world i find quickly familiar, to wonder, where have i been?
i have dreamed i did heroic things, fought the beast at the dark side of strange skies
and when God found me, i did not wrestle; but removed my shoes, for it is holy ground
the breezes now to escape my touch, and time to continue as time is bent on changing
and all i could think of this sinner: my Lord, my Lord, why did you not abandon me?

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Dust1:20am monday, 3rd june
I am a dream of the dust, and to dust I shall return, upon its waking. For a few moments the universe gets to peer at itself through these eyes of mine, for some scant instances the universe gets to wonder about what it might be. It is an amazing thing, ephemeral. Even if it happens the billions of times that it does, one must not lose sight of its miracle. For never again will this thing I call “I” ever appear on this blue dot in the cosmos. Life is an experiment in uniqueness: grouped together as similar are the millions, but each one is exquisitely its own. God has blessed us all to the point where we no longer notice the wonder of it all. I think it part of the plan. And those who consider why may glimpse the nature of love.
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