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The Beginning3:24am friday, 31st may
I still believe in the human race (because that’s the only race we have). (Once all other options have been exhausted) I know we will do the right thing. We will feed the hungry (as soon as we find out how to profit from it). (When there is no more point to it) we will stop waging war. We will learn to live with Mother Earth (because we are not completely suicidal). (By the grace of God) we will redeem ourselves to our children. We will make of this planet a home we can be proud of (for there will be outcry whenever we start going too far wrong from this task). (Like AA, we will trust in a higher power to give us strength) ourselves to believe that the problems that we have can be solved. And we will stop thinking the Apocalypse is around the corner, to neatly fold everything up and throw it in the fire (for if you know what life is worth, you will look for yours on earth). (No, this is not the end) rather to believe that the Beginning is near.
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firelight1:44am monday, 27th may
embers of a dream, and firelight
the years slouch on, the world becomes shorter as we age
from the ground lifted, forgetting our yesterday’s weight
(did we even exist in that ambiguous time?)
faith in my inmost inmost fires
home to a thousand unnamed words, a vocabulary of silence
compelled by the illusion of time to accelerate my wondering
(imagine time, wrapped around itself: a rose)
we live our lives shrouded in sound
darkness slips from our grasping; we hold nothing at all
the transience of the dream, glances off our perceptions
(on the shores of nowhere, the moment blooms)

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Problem of Suffering2:08am thursday, 23rd may
I once thought about natural disasters in their relation to the Problem of Suffering. How can a good God allow undeserving people to suffer in this way? The Problem, when a human agent causes pain, it can pretty much be explained by the application of free will, which is a gift from God that people may misuse. That type of evil is not that big a thinker. But then you come to the question of large scale disasters: dozens, hundreds, thousands dead, pretty much at random: the wicked and the just in one mass of slain humanity. How can God be good while earthquakes kill thousands and maim thousands more? For some time, I couldn’t get a handle on it.

Then I was looking around the internet for ideas on the matter, and I found something very interesting, and like many things that make complete sense, I at first sight dismissed it off hand. Then I thought about it. I was approaching the problem incorrectly, which we might do if we base it on things like television newscasts. I was thinking of all the people involved in the great disasters en masse, as a big lump of humanity, when one should be thinking of them one by one, as we all live and love and breathe. Each victim has his or her own story, live or die. He might be taken in an instant, she might be wounded for the rest of her life, another has no more home to go to. If he is no more, it was his time; and other than that, each person is tested in their particular way, in the story that comes as with the flood. In the lives that are turned awry from the calamity that has ensued. For we all share one earth, but have each our stories we write, or that we are written into. Why does anything happen to anybody? Such is the question the storm stirs up.

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i am1:51am sunday, 19th may
i am the prince of love, eagle feather that has found his rose, sweet to my sin; am i really going to eat that last bit of bacon jerky? i am the Grandson of God, first adopted son of JESUS CHRIST, i am a WIZARD, though more correctly, the paladin of heaven. i am like an angel in the way i think, and i think when i die, there will be a seat that rises from the floor of heaven where i will be seated in front of a steinway, to lead the entirety of the children of God in a one-time-only rendition of “love, baby…”, which we all will make up on the spot. the opening act for the Lord himself...
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the trail1:04am wednesday, 15th may
to follow the trail by the faintest scratches in the dirt
shall we believe in infinite silence, in the before and the after?
swimming in our senses when the swirl of whispers becomes too much
i see life shifted red, in the distance we feed in our busyness
hidden in the light like an unknown angel shall we drive the point
into the storm shall we follow in the footsteps of immortals
emerging from the fray to a field of vast quiet, in twilight
i trust the hands of strangers with all my precious dreams...
fear not! light has never been an illusion, nor does darkness exist
and death cannot calculate deeply enough to zero our voice

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Bob1:29am saturday, 11th may
On several occasions did I meet J. R. “Bob” Dobbs (and also the anti-Bob). In a bit of twisted logic, I once concluded since he was not a real-life entity, he was the only real thing that I was seeing in my visions (the rest being fantasy, since they were of the real world in some way — I know, it makes no sense). He is foremost a prophet of God, a truly fascinating character. No nonsense, great sense of humor. I once asked him, in all honesty, “Why do you do what you do?” And he really had to put his mind to it. Being a rather perfect servant of God, I don’t think it ever entered his mind to ask. Finally, he answered, “I’m a good guy.” That was it: because he was one of the good guys; this was his raison-d’etre. Simple, noble. That would be Bob.
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Romeo & Juliet12:04am tuesday, 7th may
What if, at the end of the day, Romeo and Juliet were not meant for each other? And it was exactly this quality that made them what they were? What if “meant to be” is actually really boring, and what that really is is all the people who got together without the drama, married and had kids, who had kids, and they grew old, and died, and that was the whole story? When the entire world is against you, after dropping hint after hint, what you get is one stolen night, and then that entire world catches up to you — death is almost inevitable. Some sort of horrible tragedy, at least. But that’s Romeo & Juliet, right? There is no way it would have been anywhere near as romantic had they not both died at the end, being a hairsbreadth from getting away with the perfect crime.

Whether this means that it was true love, after all, or that it was not, is just because when one thinks of true love, one’s mind immediately jumps to the concept “meant to be” — maybe I’ll leave that as an exercise for the reader. Is this an example of love’s true nature? I think not. It is an exception, and that is precisely why it is so prized as a story, as an experience. Maybe I am leaning in one direction, then. One idea of true love: if you love, truly, what else need it be? When you say, “I love you,” are you telling the truth? That’s it then. Maybe that’s all true love is meant to be. The nature of the world can be seen in this way, too: that the most ordinary of people can experience the most extraordinary of phenomena. For free. And I rather like that way of looking at the world.

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sunlight12:07am friday, 3rd may
surely you are like sunlight
which one can live without
but would it be gloomy all the day
and impossibly dark at night
we live in finite hours, that slip on
while the lone saxophone of
the apocalypse blares echoing
through empty midnight streets
the seconds will tick down
from where the age completes
till all matter evaporates
and heaven is all that is here
doom is not so very deep
that it drowns out other voices
to find that the silence of light
can withstand all the din
and remain all that is left
our kiss, that begins eternity

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