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| may 2014 |
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| Paranoia | 4:16am sunday, 25th may |
Sometimes I anticipate the horrible news. Perhaps innocent enough, the prompt, but ah, what the paranoid in me fills in with what is to follow. Why should I believe it? Like thinking of what my boss was going to say to me, “You’re fired. This is real.” This, when rational thought concludes that my boss, my friend, would never fire me. Maybe for gross incompetence, and I don’t think I’ll ever go there. When I had a girlfriend, when she started with, “Sorry”, I would imagine her next sentence would be, “I’m breaking up with you” — no such words would follow. (She broke up with me in fact when I least suspected she would, in fact.) So time after time, the paranoia bears no fruit. Yet it still happens: that the moment will go completely awry, I will suspect the worst. I don’t know if this is an evolutionary advantage. But the relief, when the worst does not come to be: it’s almost worth the price of admission. Almost.
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| Fever? | 6:17am thursday, 15th may |
It must have been six years ago. I was alone in the apartment, the roommate was often out traveling in those times. I came down with something, don’t know what it was: but it was no more and no less than complete delirium. I have no idea if I had a fever, or if there were other symptoms. What I remember: watching a show on the science channel about trying to replicate the primordial soup whence came all life; repeating “Reese Witherspoon” over and over; “Reese Witherspoon”; going out and buying plums at the corner deli, which I think was my only food in this 2-3 day period; “Reese Witherspoon”; such fevered thoughts. Then I woke up, none the less for wear and tear. I wonder what it was. “Reese Witherspoon.”
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| Word Cloud | 10:29am monday, 5th may |
This is a word cloud of the full text of my book: 
Click above to get a larger version. Now you can say you’ve read every word.
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