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october 2012

Connections12:54am wednesday, 31st october
According to this article, research concludes that there is a link between creativity and mental illness. It’s an interesting prospect, like the notion that all genius is touched with madness, somehow. Though I don’t know whether a person like Albert Einstein would be an exception... he certainly seemed to be perfectly reasonable. However, his son developed mental illness and ended up committing suicide, so even there there might conceivably be considered the link to be present. I once defined genius that it is madness correlated to the common reality. But then I thought better of it, that such a definition was rather an adolescent one to make. I think there is some region of the mind where you need to let it loose a bit for the creativity to flow, but let the reigns go, and you are lost in yourself — that’s where the terror lies. James Joyce, when told his child was psychotic, said that some of the things his son said was like his own writing, whereupon the doctor replied that he was diving, while his son was drowning.
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Busyness Away12:10am saturday, 27th october
So I am like incredibly busy. My AI, plus day job, getting hired as an instructor, and this other thing I’m a partner at, and still updating 3 blogs regularly. It all freakin’ decided to happen all at once, everything but the girl. Russian model couldn’t get the chance to come back to America. Story of my life? If so, crap, don’t tell me how this one ends — I’d like to be surprised like anyone who enjoys the whole adventure. As far as that which haunts me, the curse the demon (gone) has left is still hanging around some, as I try to get myself off Benadryl. The only “drug” I could say I’m anything like abusing, these days. Looking forward to a big party this weekend, especially since it looks like Hurricane Sandy is going to spoil Halloween proper. Off to Virginia week after. Seriously, though, shoot me if I ever complain. Life = awesome.
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sometimes5:43am tuesday, 23rd october
sometimes so alone the world does not seem real
sometimes rapt in the wonder of it all
woman, there is deeper than this
love, i will seek you in the depths of the night
here, now, all chances intersect
as it has been from the beginning of beginnings
breathing solves so much, if we can hold a moment
and dreamer, i found where the rainbow ends
at the twilight of storms flashing
gone, like a star that overshot the moonlight
and i sat at the edge of my seat
because what would happen next: just wait

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Quotes1:54am friday, 19th october
Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come.
– Matt Groening

Ahhh. A man with a sharp wit. Someone ought to take it away from him before he cuts himself.
– Peter da Silva

Take care of the luxuries and the necessities will take care of themselves.
– Dorothy Parker

Against stupidity the gods themselves contend in vain.
– Friedrich von Schiller

Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes.
– Carl Gustav Jung

The worst sin toward our fellow creatures is not to hate them, but to be indifferent to them: that's the essence of inhumanity.
– George Bernard Shaw

Have the courage to be ignorant of a great number of things, in order to avoid the calamity of being ignorant of everything.
– Sydney Smith

It's all right to have butterflies in your stomach. Just get them to fly in formation.
– Dr. Rob Gilbert

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Song Lyrics1:38am monday, 15th october
Yeah, I got lots going on, so enjoy these lyrics for now.

Through Glass

I’m looking at you through the glass...
Don’t know how much time has passed
Oh, God it feels like forever
But no one ever tells you that forever
Feels like home sitting all alone inside your head

How do you feel? That is the question
But I forget... you don’t expect an easy answer
When something like a soul becomes
Initialized and folded up like paper dolls and little notes
You can’t expect a bit of hope
So while you’re outside looking in
Describing what you see
Remember what you’re staring at is me

Cause I’m looking at you through the glass...
Don’t know how much time has passed
All I know is that it feels like forever
When no one ever tells you that forever
Feels like home, sitting all alone inside your head

How much is real? So much to question
An epidemic of the mannequins
Contaminating everything
When thought came from the heart
It never did right from the start
Just listen to the noises
(Null and void instead of voices)
Before you tell yourself
It’s just a different scene
Remember it’s just different from what you’ve seen

I’m looking at you through the glass...
Don’t know how much time has passed
And all I know is that it feels like forever
When no one ever tells you that forever
Feels like home, sitting all alone inside your head

– Stone Sour

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wake1:39am thursday, 11th october
in the time we are awake
the countless missed moments
all those dreams we forget
not to know what we are
until we need to let it go
better is the pain of it all
than never to touch a thing
wondering where we will go
when long we finally will sleep

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Anniversary12:16am sunday, 7th october
It is the 24th anniversary of my most intense trip ever. I still am affected by it. It was perhaps the most defining moment of my life, and it happened when I was only 19 years old. How could it have gone differently? It gives me an idea of what it might mean, the concept of predestination, of destiny in general. If I had not seen that light, I might not be here now, for I was headed to leap off a 100 foot high bridge. But could it have really been different from what it was? I was trying to get out, out of this prison that we call a world, and when I had come back from experiencing that light, I knew that I had. Only just recently, I understood in depth what it actually meant: I was saved that day, and knowing that faith in the Lord does not lead to eternal life, but is eternal life, I understand now that I am on the outside, right now, looking in. What a life this has been, and to think that it is only halfway done, if the cards play out right. Hallelujah. Verily. Indeed.
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light12:04am wednesday, 3rd october
i am inside out, heart on my sleeve
i have become something i love
shall i be consumed by pride?
shall i call my own name to the quest?
dreams i brought through my hands
into the land of the living
until i could see the purpose
of why my own suffering swatted me down
as the wind will go, without mention
i will whisper my promises
i will bring heaven here, bit by bit
with every kindness i commit
with love is light handed down

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