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| september 2004 |
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| Not to Worry | 2:58pm wednesday, 29th september |
I have decided maybe I could post here every once in a while, so here goes. The madness has subsided, for the most part, but there are flashes, here and there. I still worry about my immortal soul, but it is a casual paranoia, nothing more. I occasionally think about smoking pot, though here in Korea, getting it (thankfully) is more than a straightforward process. I still think about smoking cigarettes, and that is the real danger, for smoking in these parts is far more accepted than in the 'States, and far cheaper. I haven't had a cigarette, however, since November 7th of last year. I have been drinking every day, only the equivalent of one beer, usually, but there is a reason for it. I have been unlucky in love again, it appears. This woman that I was seeing seems not to want anything to do with me anymore. Actually, I may be wrong, but this is what it looks like right now.
What else? I have gotten rid of all my pornography, now, for the third time. As with the previous two instances, the madness (in the guise of divine intervention) had a hand in its deletion from my hard drive, trashing of the CD-ROMs. I have a few times looked for porn since the purging, but I have yet to save anything, for the time being, back onto my hard drive. Lust has always been a tricky thing with me.
I have put up another site, have been posting to it since the beginning of July. I am sorry I cannot tell you where it is. It is slowly gaining in popularity, though I have not yet been picked up by either Google nor Yahoo! (the directory). It's going quite well there, if you wanted to know, though I cannot write anything about my madness, or any aberrant mental state. Thus, I think I will come back here from time to time. I don't know how often.
I pray. A lot. Every time I ingest anything (drink, food, medicine), I say thank you, and then I add something to the thanks. I have kept the faith, as far as it goes. Lord, help me see it through.
For now, this will have to be enough. I wish Philip K. Dick were alive. I'd love to hear his take on the matter of my spirit.
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