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| september 2015 |
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| Nice | 6:44am tuesday, 29th september |
The biggest news in Standland? The Russian model is getting married. The only superhot chixx0r that I ever had had a chance with. Now, history. Found out on Facebook when I woke up Monday. I was like, crud, then, eh. It was not like I was going to marry her anyway. I also am kinda diggin’ on this geek girl who lives in Brooklyn, who unfortunately has a boyfriend. And who could be said to be a little young for me, too. So there it is. In other news, this is the third year that I have been writing, and I mean writing in quantity. A lot, though nowhere near as prolific as Philip K. Dick, of course, his drug being speed and mine Benadryl. I probably have written enough this last year for my third book in three years, but right now they're on a website, for the most part. In still other news, I think I have a model that solves the AI-complete problem of natural language reasoning. Look up AI-complete, it's a fascinating field. And I hope to have some code written by the end of the year. What else? I have started to go to mass again, after a stretch of absence, and my madness seems like it's about to resolve itself. Of course, that's what I thought before the Event happened to me. Wonder what will become of it all? Yeah, nice. Nice. Very nice.
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| goes or stays | 6:58am saturday, 26th september |
she doesn't know whether she goes or stays
the symmetries tell her where not to wander
she left two eternities behind
not to desire any future you can buy
she is close and whispers secrets
she is distant, but this is a trick of the eye
listening at oblivion's door for stragglers
scrounging parts to build a time machine
she fits nowhere in our history
she sits and waits for her gravity to kick in
the smoke of her dreaming to ascend
a dizzying freedom to awake, now
astonished at how a star can aim from way there
where time travels backward with distance
she is part of the mystery of dance
of the cosmos reaching to infinity
time not keeping it from happening all at once
she becomes a twinkling in her own eye
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| found | 9:47am friday, 18th september |
rolling back, back to the very beginning
now with eyes to see
love is a present from father to daughter
yet love is not a thing
love is a midnight drive to fetch some pills
yet love is not an action
all we can do is point to where love is
a direction outside space
the mystery of the rose’s velvety beauty
they believe they know
they think they can speak of love with a flip
emergent as a utility
from the pragmatism of evolution’s hand
just a shade of affection
but if i say your idea of love is too small?
for love is of the stars
love is the substance of the infinite Lord
and He is naught besides
the simplest of all, simpler than nothing
why any of we all exist
once i knew what love was, the illusion
so sure i was I KNEW
the mystery so plain in what my poetry said
but when i looked within
i found i held a husk long empty of sweets
to see with humble eyes:
love is the nothing that is everything
the oblivion that gives
for have you ever wondered? do you not know?
love was there ere light
when suddenly one discovers they are found
for this is what love is
infinite in story, as it was meant at the first
to be found… everywhere
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| Extraordinary | 5:42am thursday, 10th september |
There was a man who never did anything extraordinary at all. He was born, then went to school, and there he made some friends. Some of the boys and girls that he met went onto great things, but he was never close enough to any of those friends that that greatness spilled over into his own life. He was average looking, of course, and he had average looking girlfriends, who didn’t let him get past second base for the longest time. He lost his virginity in college, where somehow the underwear flies off freely. (It must be some sort of magic.) He met the girl he was going to marry in college, definitely not unheard of. Though they lived together a couple years after they graduated to be on the safe side. He was gainfully employed from the time he got out because he had been a summer intern at the place where he was hired. There he met some work friends who for some reason didn’t feel as special than the ones he met in school. His first child was born before he was thirty, the second before he was thirty-five. A boy and a girl, of course. His job was a good one, he progressed up the ladder at a regular rate. The children grew up and he wondered where the time goes. He loved a lot, he hated some. He knew the meaning of the word, “home”. The children grew up and found lives for themselves, and he grew old with his wife beside him, living in the house they had bought all those years ago. He lived a completely ordinary life, the years all having gone by at a rate of an hour per hour, a mile per mile. And then, lying there with his loved ones all around, he closed his eyes for the last time… amazed at it all.
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| books | 2:57am tuesday, 1st september |
come, let us fill all the books of the world
for God is love, and love can be a fire
that drives the fevered pen, that lights far shores
on will come the crush of desire and of loneliness
and alone you have halted demons, but now...
the turning of the world stirs a wonder in you
is this the end? is this the beginning?
or just another day that drifts along the edge
i have been brighter than this, and quieter
(hush now, let all sound find their source)
i have knocked on doors some have feared to open
you cannot prepare for the worst, i have found
the experience never tastes the same
flowers that celebrate every day like spring
(to escape from the hush, the quiet of snow)
they cannot find where you are: believe
there is love that can come from nowhere
because it is everywhere, have eyes to see!
it is hard to turn the tragedy, the memory
but it can be done if you touch the greater love
i have seen the fire, how the seraphim burn
time being mystery that unfurls endlessly
what is the magnitude of the wonder of change?
beyond all things that ever were, and yet
the merest sliver of what is given in this world
the shyest light before the rising of dawn:
this is the bravest, that breaks the darkness
go forth, and do what is right, do you see?
you know what is right, or have you not heard?
Jesus sat with sinners, not the authority
come, let us fill all the books of the world
all that we were meant to do: it is written
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