I remember back before I was on Zyprexa, there was a stint with the drug Stelazine. (Plus the Cogentin to reduce side effects of the S.) The main thing about being on such an ancient medication, I recall, was that there was a simple pleasure that was unavailable to me, or at least, one which afforded much difficulty to enjoy: I could not read. I mean, yes, street signs or such, or the casual newspaper headline was not illegible by any means, but I found that I could not sit still for more than a page or two, then it was as if my insides were crawling, and I could not sustain any more literary intake. It was rather horrible, to someone like me who enjoyed the word as much as I did, and still do. The Zyprexa is much better on that account, though I do sometimes wonder if even that has some bearing on my capacity to ingest the written word.
I remember that one day, when I was being cared for by my aunt in Korea, and while she was away to America for a while, that I decided to quit my medication. And it was primarily so that I could read. I remember after having been off it for a week, that I curled up with the Vonnegut classic, The Sirens of Titan, for like periods of five hours at a time, engulfing the volume in a flash. I remember what utter joy it was that this pleasure could be had again; truly, we do not know what we have until it is stripped of us. I remember I had trouble sleeping, though, and my appetite decreased, but such was little to pay for what I got in return. Man does not live by bread alone, indeed. The elders eventually found out, and put me back on the regimen of S, but stolen moments such as this — it makes me almost feel noble in it. Who is to say what is the best of us?
Reflection
3:33pm sunday, 19th november
Today was the first time I ate chili while taking a crap.It didn't seem to bother me.
Reflection