You remember those famous song lyrics, "Been down so long it looks like up to me." I lived those lyrics, I think. I mean, some words completely lost meaning to me, words like "good", "great", "nice", "well done". All I was used to, all that my soul had been immersed in back during those times were words like "shameful", "terrible", "failure", "loser". If I come to think of it, the negative words still have more meaning to me. I use the positive words, and the positive words are used on me time and again these days, but somehow, they lack something to them. It's not that I don't appreciate their use (believe me, I am thankful every day), it's just that those words seem only to suggest what they truly mean anymore.
When I use the positive words, it is still strange to me, a strange feeling that things are going as well as all that, perhaps. "Able", "capable", "excellent"... these are forgotten words, words that time and experience eroded till those letters left little more than their pronunciations. But it's not that big a deal, I suppose. On some level, I think maybe I get it. I understand enough of these forgotten words that they sink in at least a little. More, bit by bit, as the days go on. These are strange waters I swim, though, that I succeed rather than fail. But the landmarks, I believe, are getting more familiar. One day, I think I'll have this area mapped out, and those forgotten words... I will remember.
