There are times when I experience a deep weariness. That I have lived too long, have seen too much in my days. This is perhaps common to those of the extreme experiences, like war, I think. Mine was madness, of course, the intensities that I have known, that I have survived. The feeling: it may be more common than I think, n'est-ce pas? The feeling that one would like to take an extended break from life, to rejuvenate oneself in the calm of nondoing, of nonproductive recreation, of a month where nothing is expected of you. Sometimes I am so very tired.
I will make it through, though. I have been through rougher than this. My soul understands that if I withstand, I will see brighter times — that this, too, shall pass. That this weariness with all of life is only one night in the turning of my clock, and that dawn will inevitably come. I don't know what they are, mostly, the things that pick me up. They are something as simple as buying a new fountain pen, and as involved as experiencing a breakthrough from the schizophrenia. All it takes to make it through is a little faith. And just a little patience.
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8:33am monday, 13th january
I think everbody feels it but not everybody recognises the feeling. That's why some people make themselves ill- to get time out. They can't allow themselves just a little piece of time for themselves unless they are forced to. Don't ignore the feeling- even a day off is better than none.
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