What was it? What put me over the brink last time? I am only just starting to realize it, that I was mad again. Walking around naked because you thought you woke up in the Kingdom of Heaven is mad, just no doubt about that. What was I thinking? Rhetorical. I think there was a point when I decided to just go for it, that I would give into the madness, let that be my life. And I thought that would last for the remainder of my days, too. But maybe that wasn't it, after all.
I jump to conclusions far too often (if I haven't written that sometime before). Perhaps every time I thought I was the Antichrist (or close to it), I was concluding that given a scrap of evidence and paranoia did the rest. That's the streak of paranoia that I keep saying that I developed when I was a small time drug dealer in college. I used to brag that I could discern the different sirens of police, ambulance, and fire engines from one another. Kinda, not really though. Being a braggart is yet another thing I have to work on not being.
Anyway, I have a date on Sunday with a really cool chick. Smart, pretty, knows English (got her master's in the 'States). I guess I should wonder what's wrong with her. I can probably take it — it can't be anything near to what's wrong with me. I am hopeful though, as always. Lord, help me overcome.
