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Then12:09am friday, 26th october
Feel pretty good today. Went to therapy again, got stuff off my chest like I should. Voices pretty quiet.

Continuing from last time, I loafed about my parents' house for a few months, mostly lying in my old bed as things were happening in the place which existed in my mind's eye — exactly where I had not thought about, but it existed in some real sense, I believed. This went on from late '91 through mid-'92. The place in my head degenerated into something like ancient Rome, and my mortal enemy (I was pretty sure) was Aleister Crowley. I also saw myself in my head, and I didn't believe I was he of my old name but someone and something else.

At about June I got a job at the place where I had been working during my academic suspension (between sophomore and junior years). I had my own apartment near my parents' house. When I went back to work, though, it was not the same thing as it had been before. The time before, I was at my mental height, but this time, I felt not 75% of my previous self. I was kinda doing the Philip K. Dick thing, trying for some overarching theory by which reality might be encapsulated. I had it in my head the whole time that I was somehow God or GOD, which I differentiated in the Gnostic sense (they believe the God of the Old Testament is not the same as that of the New, so GOD would be the one of the New — Jesus' dad). I was, however, nowhere near as prolific as PKD, writing scraps of this, notes of that, little drawings.

Late '92, I stopped going to work. I also started not paying my rent, or visiting my parents or anyone else, for that matter. This would lead to my first commitment to one of our fine mental institutions. To be continued....


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