A heartbreak, and I find all illusions will peel away,
though what is left is only the reality of all that hurts:
and I know that I know nothing, in a harsh calculation.
Strawberry
3:29pm tuesday, 3rd may
Wow. I'm really sorry Stand. You already know a lot, it is just, your soul is in the process of maturing. God gives us teaching tasks. Keep dreaming of a love. Pray for a love. Someone who will heal your heart rather than break it.
Stand
7:25am wednesday, 4th may
Don't worry. This poem is more a dramatization than anything else. I'm fine.
reflection
9:31pm wednesday, 4th may
Yeah strawberry your right, maybe I care too much for you all to be a Buddha.Don't ever bet on me again. You'll lose.
Reflection
9:56pm wednesday, 4th may
I have to confess,I've been higher than life (Literally)whatever that means.)Persavered(stand will correct me on spelling) he must of been an english master cause I had honors english in school, and he is way more experienced.I've found your very intelligent beings, with very proffessional attitudes,and you have hearts(a very rare thing these days).I've been outta my body many times.(there might be more than just heaven. Who knows?) although, if you get a few people who are cool, well its heaven."Its very far away it takes about half a day to get there if we travel by my dragonfly, but its not in spain and you know its a groovy name just turn your mind around."
Reflection
10:28pm wednesday, 4th may
I feel sorry for people in general.,Something so simple.I shout to God everyday.(I don't like calling God ,God(maybe we are from the same tribe.)
Reflection
10:31pm wednesday, 4th may
Some things are unforgiven(persons grown with one leg.!)
reflection
10:34pm wednesday, 4th may
I know God exists, and she lets these things happen?
Reflection
10:44pm wednesday, 4th may
I am emancipated from you all and God in two words.(and I didn't think of the two words till I said.I'm Sorry.
reflection
10:46pm wednesday, 4th may
Only the wisest of the wisest can understand.
reflection
10:59pm wednesday, 4th may
When you go in circles, you will find truth.(you can go look for things in space, but when you understand,there are no computers in heaven. WELL YOU HAVE BREAKIN NEW GROUND.I AM GETTING TIREDTHE FUCKIN END
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
! ! ! ! ! ! !! ! ! !
reflection
11:21pm wednesday, 4th may
There is nothing but death.
reflection
12:16am thursday, 5th may
I LOVE MYSELF.
reflection
12:51am thursday, 5th may
I guess you make me relax?
reflection
12:57am thursday, 5th may
I was talkin about you strawbery.I've talked too much, I am emancipated,I will be quiet.I play flamenco guitar as good as the spanish pros and one day I will play with them or I want to play a wedding on mundaka point.(in Spain)I know God will open Mundaka point .Although I think all my guests will be schizos.
reflection
2:00am thursday, 5th may
I still believe you are wiser than you percieve.
Strawberry
3:13am thursday, 5th may
Stand,there is something wrong with the format of this comments page. The words are going off the edge.
Stand, I know how bad I can feel at times and maybe you feel at times just so bad too. I talked to a psychic last night and she channeled my grandmother. It doesn't matter if you believe or not. Point is, grandma said such sweet things about me, how she sees me, and, it is hard to believe. No problem believing that grandma was there in the room with me. The dead give you clues to help you believe, things that no stranger would know but which burn bright in your personal memory. So there are two realities. How I feel in my own skin - dorky, absurd, materialistic, small, ordinary & gross, and then how my grandmother feels about me. Throw into that the sweet words of this guy I am going to marry. It cracks me up trying to figure which reality is real. That of the spiritual, that of love, and that of the harsh reality of society - where money and beauty and intelligence and skill are so obvious and easy to measure. Everyone, and I mean everyone, has the right to make a harsh calculation of themselves and see realistic flaws. I think that that reality is the easy one to live with. But the hard reality to see is the one where there is love and acceptance and joy. Peel away social reality and underneith are such communications like the one I got from my grandma. Peel away scientific reality and there are intuitions, prophetic dreams, synchronisity, and destiny.
When I see my Dad next I've got to tell him that grandma wants him to give me her ring. She died in a house fire and they took the ring off her finger. It scared me that they took it off a dead and burnt body. I know that when I was a child she had promised it to me, but I don't know if my father heard or remembers. His eyes are going to pop out of his head and maybe he will get angry - an emotion to push away what he fears and can't believe. I don't even worry should he say yes or no about the heirloom, it is just wonderful to be delivering him a message from his mother.
Today I had a fantastic experience. My fellow and I went to a fertility doctor. I saw my uterus and my ovaries on a sonogram - and - they are beautiful! I'm normal! I have the power and health in me to make another life. An ovary looks like the sun with sunspots on it. Small sunspots are places where the egg is being prepared to be released. But there was one big sunspot that the doctor said by it's irregular shape and size meant that it had just released an egg five days ago! During all my thoughts, during all my worries, while I take part in every conversation, my body has a will and purpose of its own that is mysterious and oh oh so healthy. So now, I am going to fancy, that the two most beautiful stars in the universe are actually floating gently in my body. There is nothing schiozphrenic about my ovaries. They are pure and mysterious, ancient and beautiful. I wish I had asked the doctor for a picture to take home and put in my scrap book.
Reflection, have you ever been to Spain? I went with my high school spanish class. How long have you been playing the guitar and do you ever play in public? I bet you could sit on a bench in a park and make strangers so happy to listen to you play. It is spring in my part of the world. Children so rarely hear live music. I think you should share your talent and gift. You can be shy and not talk to anyone. Just play in the park for free. I'm serious. The world needs more beautiful guitar music.
Strawberry
3:21am thursday, 5th may
Reflection - I LOST the bet. If I had won, then something else entirely would have occured.
Stand
3:34am thursday, 5th may
It was all those "!!!"s. I chopped those up, so the page should look normal, now.
Strawberry
1:42pm thursday, 5th may
Opps, not there yet. "Peel" comments are still going off the screen to the right. I checked the previous "At Peace?" and the margins work perfectly there.
windswept
10:00pm monday, 23rd may
isnt' that funny. I Googled "synchronisity" and was linked to your little comment page. cyberspace is much like the universe, random strokes of keys whisking us off to who knows where. And there are so many realities, lives, windows into souls that one can find. I can press my back key and never entertain a thought of you people again or I can reach out and share your pains and joys or hold my own out for you to see, a tangible glowing thing in my outstretched palm. And maybe you'd think my soul was beautiful or maybe you'd shun me because i lack the common bond linking you together: a diagnoses made by a "professional": someone trained that reality is defined by logic and scientific proof, that physicists and mathmeticians are the only ones capable of defining truth with their ugly formulas scrawled on chalkboards.If you can't touch it, or see it under a microscope, it's a delusion. So you're delusional. Just. . .be careful with the labels THEY give you, don't let it define who you are.
Strawberry
Stand
reflection
Stand