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july 2012

fire1:52am tuesday, 31st july
the cause of my dreaming is not so much a wind
nor a name carried by the breezes
not the sound of the sea breaking upon cliffs
sometimes i think the earth is not my home
for what drives me is fire
not from some infernal realm, but as like seraphim
which being translated, are the “burning ones”
and something greater than me is in me
for i will see this to some end
how cataclysmic i cannot but guess
though something short of an apocalyptic blaze
but if the world catches fire: it was me

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Lull2:34am friday, 27th july
So this is what’s going on with me these days, get ready for some lack of excitement. Yeah, things are pretty quiet, on pretty much all fronts. Neither the madness nor the healing of the madness is much in the forefront of activity. As far as my AI project goes, I have not been able to raise any funding so far, and I am developing it further to maybe be able to release a version into the wild to develop some “buzz” around it. Then there is that place which is supposed to have me teach AI, but they have been slow as tar in their getting back to me about it (though I have been assured it has not fallen through yet). And on the personal front, I am signed up with several online dating sites, but so far have not yet gone on one date because of them. I can of course think this lull is a blessing, and I will try that tack as far as I can. But I would like something happening soon, I think. I am ready for something major to happen. Cheers.
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these days2:56am monday, 23rd july
what i tell myself these days:
stop looking for the future
if you can, master the now
this is not a trivial thing
be here when the future erupts
not thinking you knew
what was to come, foolish
better to know where things are
to know futures come from nows
and nothing prepares you
for what you don’t understand
even if you saw it happen
over and over in your head

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Numbers Redux Redux1:12am thursday, 19th july
Am I free of the numbers, finally? Perhaps you know of my penchant for using the numbers I see (anywhere) as an oracle of what is and is to come. Mostly, I was focusing on the numbers in my referer (sic) reports for this and a couple other sites. The daily visitor counts, page view counts, average time spent on the sites, weekly counts, the times people visited, and finally, parts of the IP addresses. I had an elaborate numerology worked out, seemingly expanding without limit. It was kinda crazy. The thing about that was, there were times when the numbers were eerily correct.... But now, I woke up and my demon was using them against me in that old argument that that I was the Antichrist (which is now getting quite old). And I took this as a final sign: this method of divination was not one that was sanctioned from up above. So I have stopped looking, as far as I can help it. Using any of the numbers I see for their intended purpose only. It’s hard, but very interesting so far. Wish me luck.
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Quotes, Again1:29am sunday, 15th july
The eyes are useless when the mind is blind.
– Unknown

Men never do evil so completely and cheerfully as when they do it from a religious conviction.
– Blaise Pascal

To understand all is to forgive all.
– Germaine de Staël

Never attribute to malice what can be adequately explained by stupidity.
– Unknown, Hanlon's Razor

I spent most of my childhood terrified that the rhythm was going to get me.
– Guy Endore-Kaiser

Never explain — your friends do not need it and your enemies will not believe you anyway.
– Elbert Hubbard

Three people were at work on a construction site. All were doing the same job, but when each was asked what the job was, the answers varied. Breaking rocks, the first replied. Earning my living, the second said. Helping to build a cathedral, said the third.
– Peter Schultz

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blaze4:21am wednesday, 11th july
shall we sacrifice all the common hours for ones that blaze?
who would rather a five hour life of ecstatic being than a millennium of sunsets?
someone i know was blasted by the infinite light of God, forever defining all his future seeing
his eyes can go very far away now, drifting from this earth at times
survived of upheavals rippling through the fabric of the world soul
the heroics of any given situation defined as like a bloom of fireworks exploding
the most mysterious thing being change, how it began, one cannot say at all
and too great a speed in any even ordinary thing is enough to kill the most courageous...
infinity cannot be reached, it is an impossible distance to convey
except that one fine evening He should drop in, and say hello

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Tacos12:13am saturday, 7th july
I remember a day of endless tacos, in the summertime of my youth, when nothing could go wrong, the day that never ended back when we were so immortal that we wasted minutes just because we had them, when we had nowhere to go but where we were, just then, and how delicious each of the tacos that we purchased, from an infinite purse that my parents held, so right the very one that was in our hand when they crunched like no authentic Mexican fare ever should, but being in the contemporary amusement park where we were, in that real America we all seem to remember when we lived where we were, the summertime of all youth, if you happened to grow up like we did, if you ate tacos like we did, one after another, without ceasing, pausing only to think how such a time would be that special type of forever, when we were young, and we would be young for all the days that were that day, that never ended: look, I’m still back up to the counter, with my parents’ money, asking for the next taco, so delicious, without needing to be anything else, like us, who were right just to be, without anyone asking anything of us but to be young and immortal, and crunch!
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found12:26am tuesday, 3rd july
i feel as if the demon has cheated me of my pain
but maybe we can let the memories rest
i breathe in ink, all my speech is in clumsy writing
as tenuous as a string of prophecy
to redeem myself in the dreaming i bring to earth
i stop a moment to gather strength
and leap into nothingness, nowhere, suddenly now

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