Sometimes, I get that feeling: I just want to quit. Give up. But then, I realize I don't know what that means. What would be giving up? The ultimate — suicide? No, that's far from me these days. I know I'm not passing through into the place I see in my head, like when I was mad. Sorta scared of going to Hell, there, too, in that area of thought, and I dunno; that suicidal mindset I think was a phase I grew out of. So, what would it mean to quit? Quit everything? Not go to work and do drugs? I've been there, done that. I know where that leads: you run out of money, and then you go eventually fall into the madness again. If not for my family and medication, I may have one of those days lapsed into homelessness. Dead ends, everywhere.
You know, I suffer for a little while, but I think it is no more than what any other person on earth goes through. Hm. Perspective. Maybe that's where I want to be, now that we're thinking about things. And sometimes, there is only one way to go, not because you have no freedom about things — you can, if you want, choose another way — but because you're a grownup now, that word you tried to escape for so long you start to wear like a second skin: responsibility. You go on, not because you want to, but because you can; people depend on you, if no one but the person in the mirror — you depend on you to go on. You have the strength, just check. You have more strength than you ever knew you had, if you just don't give up. And that's it then. Simple. You can, you do.
Jelly
5:42pm tuesday, 3rd september
That's beautiful and so hopeful. I know what you mean, you go on because you can and it is the best thing to do so you grin and bear it and make things work. It's taking life into your own hands and having a positive effect on it.
Jelly