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Continued...12:07am tuesday, 23rd october
Where I left off last in the chronological tale of my first madness was my entry into the psychosis, back in July of 1991 (that's located on the 13th of August on this site, here). When Rosanna Arquette took over from my infatuation with Julia Roberts, I thought she was in New York City, and that being only a two-hour drive from Philly, I took off without a word to anyone and drove there. It was in this little Ford Escort which my parents had bought for me the year I had been on academic suspension (between my sophomore and junior years). I was loose on the streets of NYC for a couple days, and actually (not hard to believe), I was quite at home there. Ever wander around at 3 am in the streets of Manhattan? Quite an experience. I remember I purposefully dented a BMW, as sort of a protest against yuppiedom. I also went hungry for about a day. Then I went back to Philly, back to my parents'.

I lived totally in my head for about two months. I mean, I just lay on my bed, talking to myself — or even less, just thinking at them. I mean, I didn't even turn on the radio, much less watch TV. I heard later on that my dad breathed a sigh of relief when in September, I finally flipped on the stereo he had put in my room and listened to the local radio stations. That had corresponded in my head to having been separated from what I had believed was my plasmate, or the higher part of myself, which had become attached that day I felt that snap in July. Later on, one close friend said that instead of seeming like something had been added to me, something seemed instead to be missing. He and another friend asked me during that time to try and get some psychiatric help, but I refused. Remember, I believed that what had been happening to me was real somehow until my breakthrough in 1997.

That's good for now, I guess. The second madness — the one which has just left — I don't know if I'll be able to piece together any time soon.


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